How to measure the health of a friendship

In varsity, we often hear about forming lifetime friendships, and for good reason—some of these connections truly stand the test of time. However, not everyone you meet will make the cut. For me, only three friends became my ride-or-die companions, and we've managed to maintain our bond for nearly two decades.

Here’s how we’ve kept our friendship healthy:

• Respect each other’s boundaries: We create a safe space for everyone to be themselves.

• Zero judgment: Complete sovereignty in decision making so each of us makes our own decisions, and our role as friends is to support, not critique.

• No borrowing money: To avoid misunderstandings, we steer clear of lending money we might struggle to return.

• Separate friendships: They’re all my friends individually, not necessarily friends with each other. They meet and chat only when I’m the common denominator (like during my birthday celebrations).

• No gossip: I keep everyone’s personal matters private. Gossip has no room in our circle.

• Effortless connection: Whenever we talk or meet, we pick up where we left off. There’s no clinginess—just mutual respect for each other’s independence.

• Reciprocated energy: We meet each other halfway. We show up for one another and hold space when it matters most.

• Open communication: If someone feels hurt, we address it immediately and with honesty.

  
  

This system has worked wonders for us, but it might not suit everyone. So, how can you assess whether a friendship is worth maintaining?

Questions to evaluate your friendships (another method to consider):

• Time balance: Do you spend less time with better friends because they’re busy and productive?

• Similarity: Would you consider it a compliment to be told you’re similar to your friend?

• Fulfilment: Does friendship genuinely enrich your life, or is it more about avoiding loneliness?

• Authenticity: Do you feel free to be yourself around this friend, or do you act differently to win their approval?

• Current vs. potential: Do you like your friend for who they are now, or for what you hope they might become?

• Long-term influence: Is this someone you’d want your child to be friends with one day?

  
  

Friendships are as unique as the people in them. What works for one group might not work for another. However, the key to lifelong bonds? Mutual respect, honesty, and showing up for each other in the ways that matter most.