Destructive self-criticism vs. Constructive Self-Criticism:

We all have an inner critic. Whether an idea didn’t work out or a mistake was made, how we speak to ourselves in these moments matters. The way we engage in self-criticism can either build us up or break us down.

Destructive Self-Talk: Tearing Yourself Down

Negative self-criticism is often filled with self-doubt and blame. It makes failure feel personal rather than situational, leading to discouragement and a lack of confidence. Here are common phrases that reflect destructive self-talk:

• “I’m not good enough.”

• “Who did I think I was?”

• “What was I thinking?”

• “I should have known better.”

  
  

Notice how these statements center around “I,” making failure a reflection of the self rather than the idea or approach taken. This mindset discourages progress and creates a fear of trying again.

Constructive Self-Talk: Finding Growth in Every Challenge

Instead of focusing on personal shortcomings, constructive self-criticism shifts the focus to problem-solving and learning. Here are examples of empowering self-talk:

• “What is missing?”

• “How can it be improved?”

• “Who else should be involved?”

• “What was the lesson?”

This objective approach moves away from self-blame and towards growth, encouraging resilience and continuous learning.

Your Inner Dialogue Shapes Your Reality

When self-criticizing, avoid beating the Self down because Self might be discouraged to try again. Focus on the idea without making it a reflection of Yourself so that Self can remain eager to seek a way forward. Rather focus on progress, not perfection.

It’s easy to think that our internal dialogue has no impact because it happens in our minds. However, the truth is, our brains believe what it hears repeatedly. The more we tell ourselves we aren’t good enough, the more our minds will find evidence to support that belief.

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I’m not saying find comfort in wishful thinking and ignoring reality. I’m only saying you don’t want to program yourself to failure with negative/destructive self-talk, but you rather want to fill your mind with positivity, a growth mindset, and empowering language.

Be Kind to Yourself – Your Body and Mind Will Respond

The way you speak to yourself affects not just your emotions but also your actions. When self-talk reinforces strength, confidence, and resilience, your mind and body respond accordingly.